Thursday, December 15, 2011

I am ok

This last year has been so hard on me... emotionally, mentally and physically. Still have a few more weeks left to make it...and I think I will..I honestly know I am bless, I am not feeling sorry for myself, I am thankful every day for what all the Lord has done for me. I know no matter what my situation is, it could always be so much worse. So, here I am sitting at home, since the 30th of November, no pay, trying hard to get my short term disability started, and trying not to get down...I am not depressed, thank God. We have a little home that is warm, and we have food on the table, and my sweetie still has a job. It is easy to say that all is well in my home, and mean it, but from some one who loves to give to people, and to be around people and to make people laugh and feel special, hard for me to get motivated to do anything when I no longer hear the laughter in me, but know it is only silent for a little while. Joy in my home, yes there is....but sadness is there too...Happy for all who is able to celebrate with friends and loved ones and not have to worry about money, but just a little bit jealous, is that ok....? Will admit that I wish I was one who "has it all", but I do admit that I do....would be nice to pay my bills on time...but thankful I can pay a few....Feels like I am in my own little world...but am thankful my world has love and support. Sometimes I feel like I would sleep for about a month...and wake a to a new start. Mind just goes on and on...the things I think about is overwhelming....sleep in the recliner 95% of the time...can't just lay in the bed and try to go to sleep...mind just goes on and on. Will this feeling ever be normal again...and I know in 5 years, this month won't even matter, only how I treat people and how I stay true to God will...and thru it all...I am ok and know I will be fine...I have one on my side who really matters....and if I would just let it all go....he would help me more...breath Wanda May...this too shall pass....Thank you Lord for all your blessings on me.