Boy some of the test God can give you....and believe you me...I know he knows what he is doing....and I am not complaining...he never gives me more than I can handle. I sometimes just wish I knew where he was going with me...lol...
Some days I feel like I can not crawl out of bed...but I make it to work....and do my best to do what is in front of me. The customers and employees help me thru the day...and when I feel like, Lord I need you to carry me a minute...some one will come in and say something or just give me a smile...and I can try to go again. Some days, I feel like, Man I feel OK today and really have a good day. I even fixed supper two days last week...and did OK. Was able to go to church Sunday morning and to prayer meeting Sunday night. Monday and Tuesday, went back to how can I get thru this day...but as always, I know it could be worse..and I am thankful for my family and friends..and prayers. Just would be nice to be appreciated and wanted...not just put up with and dealt with....
I am going thru some "learning" periods for myself...I know how I need to handle some situations but I can't help sometimes the feelings I have...I understand people have to learn and grow for them selves....but I just don't understand how people can do people the way they do them, and think it is OK to act like that. I see how I have made mistakes in my life with some of the ways I have been with Spencer, and I see how some people seem to do things so right. For instance some of the Younger Moms I know and two come to mine..one with two girls and the Mother herself is such a wonderful young Christian woman...you can see the sweetness in her whole demeanor...and her girls are just stepping right in the foot steps she is leaving. Oh believe me...I know she makes and will make more mistakes...but how I wish that I was a better "Christian Mother"....I also know we do or act like we have been raised and hope fully change the some of the negative things to better....and I had the sweetest best Momma in the world...and she always did the best she could. I have another Christian Mother who has two of the sweetest boys, and one has special needs...and I know she has bad days...and I know she is not perfect either. But what she has done with the boys is amazing...always has time for family, always there to help someone out...always there to be a friend...and I know she feels that sometimes she could do better...but I think when her kids get older...she will look back with hardly any regrets.
Am I a bad person...no....but how I wish I had some of these younger women for role models for me when I was raising Spence....I see several young women I go to church with who uses prayer for everything....such role models...one left and joined another church...because that was what God wanted her to do....such a role model her life has been...hated when young whippersnappers can say something for me to grow with...Me...."But God is so good and real here...Her..."Wanda May...God is good everywhere"....well hello fuzzy...what was I thinking...
Did I love and do the best for my son...yes I did, maybe not always...but if I had known better...oh the things I might have done different.
Did I go to church all my adult life...no....did I always have prayer before I made decisions...no...did I always put God first...no...When God is not fore most important in your life...it will show. Am I am not talking about loving God with your mouth or do things like going to church for show...or saying something for show...I am talking about loving God the way he wants us to...treat people right...talk right...love right...been a friend...and just by putting out to people what God wants you too...
Now, I have these people as role models...so I have no excuses right....hard to teach a old dog new tricks...but I am learning and understanding more and more...I just need to hang around these special ladies 24/7..
Is it selfish of me to want someone to come in and take Spencer under their wing...and maybe help him where I have failed...Verdict still out on that one...he is such a good person..but dang if he is not stubborn...lol
Our 26th Anniversary is coming up on the 21st of July...really want to do something special...I think I did this last year...lol. Who knows what tomorrow brings? Just thankful I have the wonderful husband that I do...
